I try to walk away
but I'm pulling every single root out along the way
it really hurts to abandon you
it seems you give me no choice there's nothing else I'm able to do
because if I engage you, you go through these stages
of sweet loving graces into untapped rages
then I can't hold you
and I can't kiss you
I can barely talk to you
trying to be something new
maybe just a friend for you
that means I have to shed the shape of you from around me
but here I've shown you everything
and I have seen so much of you
it's a rabbit hole from the heart to the throat
that makes me thirst
trying to find a water source
other than this
I get wrapped up in it, drowning beneath
thoughts of your smiling eyes, hands and feet
an unrelenting tide pulling me back in
I can't remain outside of your bubble
because if I'm remotely near you
every bit of it claws at me
and here I am
diving back in and losing pieces of myself
as the roots grow so deep I can't seem to retrieve them anymore
I'm dissecting parts of myself, fuck
I've gotta gut this whole thing
it's a leech that's wasting my time
a belief that's feeding blind eyes
bloodletting me dry
that's why I have to leave you behind, leave it all behind
or this will just kill my mind
the me you've known has died
but then you'd bring me back to life
just murder me, murder me (it's just a dream, just a dream)
credits
from Murder Me,
released February 14, 2017
written and performed by Matthew Abulencia
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